Fantisezed emotions appearing real

FEAR according to me is a four letter word which makes no sense! Fantacised Emotions Appearing Real is FEAR.
WE as humans know much more things and virtues than anyother being on earth. we have the capacity to understand and analyse various things in and around us BUT... we do not use our senses and capabilities to do any of the above things.. most of the times we dont use our brains to segregate what is crrect and what is not! we have become too lathargic to even think. in spite of us knowing that fear is just a feeling and it is not going to cause us any good.. we still fear many things in our day to day lives! we fear hit by a car when we crosd the road.. we fear our own dogs.. we fear if we ll make a mistake during a public speaking session.. we fear if we ll drown in the swimming pool inspite of knowing the fact tht we know swimming and so on! FEAR is always there in our minds .. it is always there in our bodies.
as long as fear is there t is very difficult for us to move ahead in our lives. our growth is hindered and unnecessary problems occur! fearing exams .. fearing our professors.. fearing our parents .. occur only when we comit a mistake and its all due to sheer laziness! the sub consious mind believes that fear is permanent and one can never overcome it..! our mind set is so tht we believe tht fear is essential! but NO! fear is a poison tht will slowly kill your progress and growth! fear is a silent obserever which will never talk thro words but thro silence..! fear is just a fantasy! fear is just UNREAL!
ONE DAY when i had been in bali near indonasia a group of us went to do bungee jump and we were extremely excited! no words to express my excitement and its was something new for us! ive never seen a person jump for such a great height in real! we were all decked up and it was my chance to climb the steps which lead to the top. i was all smiling and jumpimg when i was climbling but slowly.. some wierd feeling started creepin inside me! and when i went up all my smile slowly faded away and nervousness was obvious in my face! there were five ppl wot me and i was the third to jump!the first person jumped,, without any FEAR ! he was so damn cool and composed that he did a perfect jump! next was one small girl.. very bold and happy .. she also did a perfect "let go " jump! next was an uncle.. he was not happy and excited and he wanted to back out.. looking at the beach in front of him and the height where he was standing he started trembling .... tht made me even uneasy.. ppl down were all yelling and screamin! lol... tht uncle created a big scene! was funny! finally he jumped a "suicide" jump as they called it!
phew... next was me!mann! my hormones started rushing and was all nervous! first thing tht came to my mind was " do i have to do this??" and the fear in me started building and stopped me from doing it! i was like.. wot the hell.. i have to do it and the trainer guy standing right behind me waiting to push me is encouragin me to jump and boosting my confidence!lol.. but alas! it dint work.. i finally did a funny suicide jump..! i was so ashamed! i could ve done it better! when a small girl could do it why cant i!!! its all cause of the FEAR in me! inspite of me knowing tht the rope tht is holding me is no way gonna snap..and the expertise the trainers had .. i still feard to jump! why!! this is what we call lack of trust! trust is really important in our lives to get past all our fears! we have to first trust ourselves! we have to trust our abilities! we have to trust everyhting tht we do! if i have had tht trust tht time during my jump.. i would have done it beautifully!! i wouldn have done a dumb jump like tht... tht day i learnt a lesson not to fear unnecessarily and learn to let go things.... after all life is for once and we dont have a second chance!!
DO NOT FEAR FOR IT IS NOT REAL!

23rd Feb 2007.. was eventful in its fag end.. but the rest of the day was blah! too many things happened and a confused day! college sucked big time and my class was totally irritated! and then had too many plans to hang out with ppl..but everyone ditched! humph! konjam disappointment! but yeah.. I'm learning to take things as it comes..though quite a difficult task for me! i manged to be patient and calm in spite of getting pissed of for getting bored! so.. umm.. yeah..this blog might seem Lil negative but no.. i am writing it a positive sense..I'm developing tolerance and i wanted to share it with you! was reluctant to write this post but eventually did! :)

mann.. thanks to kedar and lakshman for introducing me to this wonderful band called dream theatre.!!! godzzzz!! love their compositons.. none of them are simple.. even if its simple its simple awesome! cant deny that! the pianist is the best! forgot his name..hehehe! and thanks to nipun for exposing me to more of dream theatre! another day, wait for sleep, silent man..are my favorites! for people who havent listened to themm.. pls do!

i met him in UNWIND,adyar, Chennai.
one girl standing next to me said "hey div....you know him.. amazing guitarist!".. i followed the finger that was pointing towards him and gave him a glance. smart, cheerful, happy fellow with very different looking hair style.infact the first thing that anyone would notice about him is his hair! then i was listening to some music there and during the break he came up to me and asked me if we knew each other before and had we met in orkut. i said i think yes and then introduced ourselves, and smiled at each other and separated though i dint want to for there was something luring in him,but eventually bid him goodbye and came back home.
back i logged onto orkut and started replying to my usual jobless friends' scraps. i don't know what struck me. i started searching for this guy whom i met in unwind that evening. and i eventually found him also. what next... i sent him a scrap saying hello and we started talking over orkut and he asked me my chat id and i gave my yahoo.. but he dint wanna chat in yahoo and so i downloaded m.s.n for he had it. and then again we started chatting there and went on and on not realising how similar we were in many aspects! it was in fact very surprising when both of us said " can u wait for seven min Pl..ill be back." this seven min was like..ooh.. even he says seven mins which i thought not many whom i knew used to say! and this went on and on and we started finding out that we had so many things in common.. music..arts..movies..outllok towards many things..and many more.! at one point of time.. he asked me."divya.can we swap numbers?"first thing that struck me was.. oops i din't have any space in my phone to store his number if he gives me his'! so i told him.. sorry dude.. i don have space in my phone..! he he.. he was like how rude! but eventually i deleted someone else' number and stored his! and i still remember his first message was.."div too many mosquitoes here in my room..but i still miss u!" i was like,. awww..so sweet! then started my journey with this wonderful person.. i just adore him i just respect him what he is!
next day was our music session over the net.. he started playing the guitar and the piano for me.simply mind blowing! was awestruck!swear! Ive never seen or heard anyone play like him except for my friend kedhar who sings and plays the keyboard.! but Mann.. i couldn't just stop listening to him and thus became a big fan of his music! he also made me sing and appreciated my voice!thank you! days passed and months passed by.. and the evolution in me is gradually increasing cause of this boy and is simply super! i started adoring him so much that i learnt loads from him and am still learning! he enlightened me with stuff relating to music to food to books to anything and everything on earth! so much like his dad! brilliant! he explained what golf is all about!!! i never knew what that game was all about for i always thought its a dumb game! loll! thank you! also when i feel sad or depressed he used to make me say "gayathri mantra"and boost up my energy and spirits by asking me to repeat positive things about life! wow.. no one does that to me!
truly a very intelligent fellow and very charming.very smart and hardworking . very understanding and adjusting! very patient and down to earth! i have learnt so much from him and still have loads and loads to observe and learn! he has changed my life drastically and has changed my outlook towards life. thanks to u man! i also should thank another friend of mine prashanth who is our common friend who has helped me a lot in my evolution.
thank u Mr.Nair! you ll always be my best friend and my guide! :)

loneliness..solitude..silence..patience..smile..music..dim light....
wondering what these are?? ummm.. they were my best companions for a very long time...i used to love them..be with them..spend the whole day with them no matter what..!but.. they started leaving me and vanishing gradually..slowly loneliness and solitude bid me goodbye and went away to Ethiopia..patience is no longer with me for she moved permanently into the earth's core..and smile..phew..she forced herself to leave me and go for she used to be my best buddy! now all i have with me is music and my dim light! my life is totally changed cause of aliens and caspers! seeing these my old companions left me..i don't know how to react to this..feel sad or happy?? why am i like this?? abnormal?

everyone is born in this world is born crying... no baby is born smiling but i have proved it wrong. yes..i was born smiling! i was born happy thinking my mom need not undergo the pain of carrying me anymore! she introduced me to this wonder world where everything was new to me. people around me had huge eyes,humongous nose, funny ears and hilarious voices! i looked very beautiful! everything was a fantasy for me. i used to stare at my mother for hours together wondering what a woman she is! later on she named me "divya"..ha ha.. you know why? my cousin brother who was one human who was truly happy when i was born wanted to name me "divya" cause his girl fren in his class was "divya"!! lol!
so yeah.. my name was thus divya and is divya! nice name. mom says i started walking when i was 11 months old! ha ha.. i was really cute but beware! i was a very naughty, mischievous kid says momie! i then started going to school which was another fantasy for me! never cried when i went to school! was happy and 'jumpy jumpy'. mom used to drop me in lady andal.. a very small cute school then. i learnt Lil guitar,music,horse riding, drawing, to speak English, and what not! was a famous kid in my class.my best friend was ROHAN! a very sweet fellow who used to tag along with me wherever i went! we used to sit on top of the mango tree.. bribe others to do our drawing homework..eat Channa together.. all in my pre kinder garden!!!!!mom used to get calls and complaint notes from my teachers saying " dear parent, your child divya is very unruly in class and is very hard to handle and therefore we request you to please look into this issue and take necessary steps regarding the same.!!!!" Mann! poor mom! she had to listen to my teachers complaints non stop! he he but i was one hell of a brat! mom in order to put me under control used to lock me inside a room and go away. ill be crying in that room for sometime and slowly the sound fades off.. when mom peeps in from the room window.. she ll start laughing !ill be sleeping in one corner of the room! innocently! phew.. i still pity my mom!
love u mom for everything.. without you it is simply impossible for me to be here and succeed! THANK YOU!:)