Fantisezed emotions appearing real

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give divya more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

yet to write this post.. this is one decision i nver wanna take. but ..now.. ive lost everythin in life.. im gonna lose my music also..

ive always wondered when i was young , how ppl take pictures by tht one click.. its always been a fantasy for me to take photos.. but now.. i m happy tht im lil bit educated about photography and now im a decent photographer.:)
it all started when i was very young when mom took to me to my uncle's place..he s a very well known cinematographer and an awesome photographer..
i went there and was talking to my cousins.. and went around the house to see what all they have.. ( after all i was a curious kid!)
i went to my uncle's room and was awe struck! he had beautiful pictures hung on the walls which were so lively and true and real!! i couldn believe my eyes.. each picture spoke for itself.. they were alive.. i was so stunned to see those pictures.. i asked my aunt who the photographer was and the answer was obvious.. yeah.. it was my uncle..!
i was like " ma.. i also wanna take pictures like these..!" as if i knew everything! lol
mom asked me to go to my uncle and talk to him.. but i refused for he was lil moody and reserved. and i was tht time very scared of him.. but i always respected him fro a distance! hehe
days passed.. and i finished my schooling and was time for me to choose my career! and first thing tht came to my mind was photography and music.. and it was then i decided to opt for elec media..
and here i stand before you.. as an a-mature photographer ...craving to learn more and more..
i thank my uncle who has been my guru tho i dint directly learn from him..i still silently admire his works! thank you.
ps. i won my coll photography competition recently which not in my widest dreams i thought of!! thanks again for those who liked my pictures!:)

ok.. im sad.. terribly sad and feelin very low.. no one to talk .. trust me NO ONE! even if i can spot someone around me to talk. they wouldn bother listenin to me..hmph.
life sux..
1.it sux coz of me..
2.coz of me misinterpreting ppl and their qualities!
3.coz i dont know to live my life..
4.coz im weak,.weak at heart and intellectually weak!(nothin can be done..??)
5.coz im ditched by ppl.. totally..dont know why..!?!#$
6.coz ppl think im wicked..bad.. fit for nothing. blah blah..( i think im not.. but cant really help if ppl think so..)
7.life sux coz guys suck! they suck majorly.. i hate tht species.,. don't really understand why god even had the slightest of plans to create them.. he should have either created man or woman.. or some other totally diff species who have absolutely no discrimination.!:(
8.life is fake. life has no meaning.. no purpose unless u r some sadhu sitting on some mountain urging urself to find out what life actually is..( i think im gonna do that eventually)
9.life sux coz i got caught in many messy activities that led to my doom.. for instance..falling in love.."love is shit..love is not true,, love can never last.. love brings smile only for a very short period of time and gives us sorrow for the rest of our lives.."
10.last reason tht i can think of is .. umm... human beings are a bunch of flesh eating demons! life sux!
for the past twelve hours,,,
i ve been talkin to my room walls.. to the stars in my rrom.. to my computer.. i tore off my teddy..
im feelin so terribly sick!im feverish..wot not..?
my room walls r the only entities who know abt me and what im undergoin..
not that no one else knows abt it.. but they r jus not bothered..
all dialogs ... the mushy talks.. the hugs..the kisses.. the warmth ..the love.. the friendship..the touch..the small talks.. the cuddles.. everything is gone and it will be bygone!
its all so temporary! its all so fake..
ppl around me are not ready to accept me as i am.. they think im cake of shit! but i am not..im also a sane human who can socialize..but ppl around me are not ready to accept this.. i tend to make mistakes.. and so does everybody.. u cant forbid ur love coz of that.. its human nature to lose ur temper but.. closing all the past memories in a day.. its not possible,, not possible at least by me!!
now i realize..after twelve hours of staring at the ceiling at a stretch,,
i should never ever be attached to anyone here on.. no love.. no getting together.. NO RELATIONSHIPS!, no ATTACHMENTS!
LIFE SUX.. AND WILL SUCK FOR WHOLE OF MY LIFE..
BUT..
ILL LIVE!

"single .. not ready to mingle " were the few words i used to chant 24months ago.. was a very outgoing, friendly, smiling, chirpy, loving, sweet, polite, carefree girl..and most of all loved by all! never used to worry about anything except for my studied were i hated maths and never used to pass in that subject.. other than that divya was a humane human being. i loved being myself..loved to move around with people,, see them smile and wander around the city aimlessly all alone no one to complain about any damn thing..no one to force me to do anything.. no one to restrict me.. no one to boss around! was a free bird and a lonely one too! but the point is .. i was happy..
whenever ppl used to ask me about a boy friend , i used to laugh and mock them saying ." ooh ppl,.! puh-lease..don't start it off again for i know what shit you guys are undergoing.. just let me be happy you jealousy fat asses!" heheh.. if someone asks me out also i used to say.." sorry Mann,, son feel bad but im single and never wanna mingle! better luck" this was not because i was very proud of myself or was a very rude egoistic person.. it was because of the mindset that falling in love is pain in the butt~!even my seniors were on the verge of looking out for a boy friend for they always say." look at that girl.. always in her own world.. dont ya think we need to find her a boy friend to keep her sane??? hahaha" but i never paid heed to whateva they said! i was the same o' loving divya!
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 10TH OF DECEMBER! 2005.. before my board exams.. was preparing science and asusual dozing off! but all of a sudden my cell phone called me! "divya.. u gotta message!" i took th ephone from under the bed and checked the message.. and it was from a random person saying " hey div.. sup!" i was like fuck off! and started studying.. but again the same person messaged me saying " hey div this is rohith s friend..he gave me your number.. jus wanted to greet ya. msg me when you are free!" this was the second msg from that boy! i dint bother to reply for a very long while.. but befor i went to bed that night i was lil curious to know why rohith had given my number to him and so i took my phone and asked rohith about this.. and you know what he replied? " hey div,, i only gave him your number.. he is also single and very sweet.. so much like you and your kinda guy.. and i thought you'd make a wonderful pair! go ahead" . i was like.. what the hell.. rohith's started a new job?? lol!!
next day that same guy msgd me the whle day and i started replying when he told me he was gonna call me soon and talk to me..i replied..
me- hey look.. i don't know who you are and i request you not to msg me anymore.. and im saying this coz u r rohith s friend.. bye!
him- hey wait div.. i just wanna be ur friend and nothing like rohith said.. trust me.. he s a mad fellow! anyways.. how are you.. have heard a lot from ro!
me-( after a long thought.._ yeah im good.. hows you.. what u doing..?
him- oh gr8. im doing good.. im studying engg in Hindustan and stay very close to your place..!
me- oh.. nice.. anyways i gotta go.. catch ya later z! bubyee!
him- ok~ cya!
hmmm... so finally i replied and spoke to a stranger guy with a weird feeling! but chucked it.. but know what.. that night i was awake till 2,... i was bored and took the phone and dialed this fellows number!!!!!! how could i!!guts!!
he picked up and his voice was very low.. i asked him what the matter was and he told me that his friend had passed away in an accident few minutes ago! i was shocked! dint know how to react! but i tried consoling him with my angelic powers and made him smile for sometime and hung up! trust me .. that was a very weird as well as a beautiful feeling i had ..! i dint know how to express it but i wanted to talk to that fellow again and again! i cannot call this love but some sort of affection that grew over a period of time.. i went for a movie with him and his friends. chat over the phone and lot more but the feeling of love never sprang in me but unfortunately sprang in him! three months later .. he called me and told me he wants to meet me.. i was like what for i need ta study! he said no its urgent i need a talk..! listening to this my friends started teasing me with him badly! but i did meet him that day! went to coffee day and he was sitting there with a sweaty face and a small smile on his face! i was like.. whats wrong with u! y did ya wanna meet? i sat down and he came close.. and said.. " div.. i like you.. will u be mine!? " i was like.." eh?? what? are you in your senses? what you talking about??" his face became pale! he could not react for i never stopped talking! i said.. look this wont work// we were good friends and let it be that way! love will spoil th relationship that we have now.. and told him we ll be together as good friends...and i gave him one big speech and finally he smiled at me and gave me a hug!! :)
i came back home with a proud feeling of knowing how to tackle things like this and not hurting the other person.. today both of us are good friends and he is in abroad .. still single!!:)
miss you Mann!