Fantisezed emotions appearing real

yaay!! for a change i made few changes in ma blog...
it looks nice no??:)

im in a fix now.. never been like this before..people around me seem to be nice and loving..but sometimes i just feel they are just bodies who can move and talk but fake it all! they are not their true selves at times .. this scares me..
i have started feeling that other bodies around me have started controlling my life.. its like if they are not there my life would me meaningless! but i want to prove it wrong!!! im desparate to prove it wrong for it s ruining my happyness!! i know those bodies are petty things in my life but they do create a gr8 impact in me! they come into the boundary of my life like a crawling baby but grow to become a "bhyanak bhoot"and start controlling my thoughts and feelings!
some bodies are worse! they are like dusts in strong winds! they come..irritate us and leave!! i am not living for those dust particle to irritate me. id rather prevent myself from those IRRITATING DUSTS! PAH!
and yeah... some are damn cute..but silent killers! they are the ones who observe you and silently harass you! i hate them!
i dont know.. when i started writing this post the only thing my mind was.. who is controllin me.. is it the external bodies around me ..or is it my own self!!?!
according to me it is both..but a major part is controlled by the external bodies..i dont want that to happen to me.
i wanna control my own life.
im gonna try hard not to let others hurt me..others control me..others bother me.. others irritate me..
im gonna live my own life in happiness!!
:)

i really dont understand why i am blogging so much!!!
mebbe coz im jobless..
mebbe coz i find blogging better than any other work right now..
mebbe i jus wanna vent out things thats piled up in ma head...
mebbe im down..thinking of some really stupid things..
mebbe i wanna improve ma english!!( as mr anonymous said in the previous post comment!lol)
mebbe i am searching for something and i expect to find it by writing a blog!@!@#$@$
(did i make sense there???)
mebbe im trying to bring out something but unable to!
mebbe im trying to tell somebody something but eventually end up typing some crap here!

ummm.. ok.. i jus wasted five min of mine writing this sooper boring post and wasting your time also! lol
sorry!

hehehehe

i guess everybody out there must be engrossed in the world cup mania!! but is it still a mania after the Indians came back!1?!lol!
umm.. i was wondering why people go crazy about cricket.. i mean really really CRAZY!?
there are so many things to worry about.. there are so many things to enjoy/. there are so many interesting things to do! but why do ppl waste time..why do ppl waste money..why do ppl waste energy for cricket.. after all its a sport! esp in India ppl are seriously out of their minds to go hay ward about cricket.. mann! ppl die!! ppl commit suicide!! ppl leave their families!! all for cricket( ewwww)
i am not against cricket.. i love to watch .i love to play cricket! i used to play with ma colony kids! i do good bowling! lol.. but yeah.. there s some limits mann! India seems to go outta control! 200 crore!! our Indian govt actually spent 200 crores on the Indian cricket team for this world cup?? wowowo! this is heading no where!
our country has so much to do.. so many other things to worry about.. not cricket! our revenue is no where near the richest countries! we are one of the poorest! so many slums.. so many terrorism acts...poverty! unemployment!! illiteracy!.. this is not the end of this list.. it goes on forever!! what do we do about these problems..!! this is not the right time for us to lose our concentration towards something else! we have man power.. but we don't utilize it! we have so much to do... we have so much to achieve! not the cricket is not an achievement...but we must know our limits!
ok.. for instance.. the metro project in chennai was signed long long time ago..nobody knows how long! lol. but still .. even the construction has not started ! half the population is not aware that there is some project like this signed! now this is an issue ppl are supposed to worry about not who s gonna coach the Indian cricket team..and not why chapell went against the senior cricketers!?@!! pah! heights!
for now our ppl have to think about the nation's up-liftment..youth should not hide themselves when crisis arises.. India 's development is important now.. lets not lose ourselves to a foreigner again! cricket!

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me..


this was the first English song i sang for my band..:) ..i love this song..
but the song faded off from my heart.. for i never listened to for i started concentrating on dream theater..rush.. mr.big...maiden.. and many others cause they never spoke about the songs i knew..
im listening to this song and writing this post..
but..now the purpose of me writing this post is not cause i miss the song.. its because i got reminded of someone.. yes.. mr.nair. that one thing i loved more than anything ...the skies..the water.. the sun.. the stars.. the fluffy dogs.. the milk chocolates.. the roller skates.. the guitars.. the the tamburas... yummy ice creams.. the bhel puris .. the snow clad Himalayan mounts.. my room... my voice.. my mommies.. my frens.. and what not!?!?!?
i was a kid when he was with me.. he used to take care of me like my mommie.. he used to teach me many things which no one would have.. he used to put up with me for i used to really really silly!! pah.. and he used to teach me guitar.. hhe.. but it just dint happen to me! lol.. and ...
he used to take me everywhere i wanted to go..plays..concerts..movies..eat outs..and yeah.. just everywhere!! he just couldn see me cry or down..
one day i was sad and he actually stood upside down to make me laugh! haha.. and i did!
he never let me go home alone for he got me swiss army knife.. he used to call me every single minute when i was out in the bus or auto..
he used to make me brownies.. pastas.. condensed milk sandwich!( i dont like it tho!!)
he used to sit next to me and watch movies ..south park.. Austen powers..school of rock!! those were the best days!
and.. he used to record stuff for me..lay the piano when i was sad.. play all his new compositions for me over the phone... he used to fish for complements! haha .. and really gets disappointed if i don't react to it! damn sweet!
and ..oh! yeah! the Berlin balls!! he goes crazy about berlin balls that is available in satyam cinemas! tho not all that great mr.nair goes hay ward for BERLIN BALLS!! its so HIM!
ummm.. and yeah.. he never lets me miss his shows for i ve been there for every one of his shows! i was always in cloud 9!
so much to write about this fellow.. but.. he is no more in my life..
he has left me .. he needs me no more.. he wants me no more.. we have undergone enough trauma..enough fights.. enough misunderstandings.. enough sorrows..
i dont think its gonna last forever!..its all gonna fade.. its gonna be alright..

but all i want him to know is i love him.. where ever he is.. i pray he should do well.. i pray he should be happy..
he means a lot to me.. but he just left me..
i miss him..
i love him..
come back to me..
i never wanna let you go..
but you are gone...
love me..

for the past few days this is the only thing that i hear from people around me..
"why you like this div..whats wrong..why you down all the time..",
" don worry mann..im there for you..even i underwent all this.."
my heartfelt thanks to everyone who cared for me and who cares for me..
i would like to tell you all a story..
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 15TH OF NOVEMBER..there blossomed a cute lil girl baby from her mother's womb..she was beautiful and charming. everyone loved her and the atmosphere was filled with happYness!. she started walking when she was 8months and she started talking even when she was in her mother's womb! haha..
then it came to the naming ceremony for the girl baby. it was as if the whole world was running out of names!!! no one could fine her a perfect name!!:(
then suddenly her cousin brother popped into the crowd and screamed "i have a name for her!!" people were surprised! and they asked him the name.he was then studying his pre-school.damn sweet fellow for he was one soul who was waiting for the baby's birth!
"i have a name! i have a name!" after a pause he said.." but..aunty promise me you'll name her the name i say!ok..?" people around grinned and asked him the name..he told them the name and everyone was surprised!they all liked the name and it suited her so perfectly!!! but everyone were so curious that they grabbed him and asked him why he suggested that name!!! he replied with an innocent smile "he he.. that my girl friend's name in school" and he ran away! thus the girl baby was named!
she then started going to school...she was too cute for people to take eyes off her..she was quite at the same time a naughty brat!
at school she was the most talented kid but very mischievous! she never scored anything less than the first mark! her teachers used to be very proud of her.. but her mischief was boundless.!!
she used to run out of the class when the teacher was there! she used just pull out the teacher's Saree and run away! lol.. and yeah.. she used to bribe her fellow mates to do her home-works!!!heights mann! shes only in the pre-school! but yet..none complained for they loved her for the way she was!
he mom used to tie her up in the gates..lock her up in the room for throwing all the vessels into the well.. but she was loved more than anything that anyone could think of!oops! i forgot to mention her best fren since she joined school! yes! mithun mohandas! wow! they used to paly all possible pranks on everyone and still they are the same! they used to life girls skirts in school and check out what panties they were wearin! lol(thts wot everyone used to tell me!)
but evolution never forgets its work.. tremendous change took place in her..
she grew older..very matured..grew to be more beautiful and charming...but things changed.. she started loving solitude.. she stated loving her music and her activities..she loved to be loved yet stayed away from others..! none could understand her.she had very few close friends and one among them was one girl called ramya.very sweet girl who never left her..who stood by her during all her ups and downs!
she then finished her schooling..but one unexpected incident happened in her life..she fell in love..madly in love..that she decided to live the rest of her life with her love..they both made a lovely pair..they were happy and they spread happiness..
there is always a but.. :( ..yes.. they fell apart..due to many unavoidable circumstances.
she was drowned in misery and sorrow when another prince charming came into her life. she saw him like the way she saw her mother. she adored him.she respected him for what he was.she loved him more than anything in the whole world.she did everything for him.she never wanted to lose him forever.everyone envied them.they said "what a lovely cute pair..hope they lived together happily." but..did they??
the girl was unlucky as usual as people blame the poor "luck goddess"!
she fell sick..she forgot what sleep was..she never spoke to anyone..she grew gloomier day by day..she forgot her beautiful smile..her love blinded every other beautiful things around her..she repent for what she had done..
but what can be done now..sulk all her life..?? she wanted to move on..but she found it very hard..
then came her angel godmothers for her rescue..they are with her now ,.taking care of her.. trying to make her smile and bring back her happiness..for they all wish for her wellbeing.she has a very bright future but she doesn't see it.hope she gets well soon and finds her path to success.
please wish her luck!

umm...im kinda clear about what i want.. though not completely..
days have changed..times have changed where i used to be a kid...i used to depend on people around me..smile for the slightest of things.. jump around joblessly at home..carefree..
but now.. i know what i want..i don't let people hurt me cause im not worth it...i have started socializing with many other people which i was not doing for the past few months..i have started bringing smiles in many people..both i know and i dont.
i dont bother what tomorrow has for me for now im learning to live the present. i might have many problems in life..but im seeing myself as a bigger problem..
im not letting others control my life..for i am its master!
life seems lil easy now..less confused!i know my priorities..i am able o take things in a lighter sense..less offensive....
but there is always a dark side that surfaces .. i dont know what to with it..??????