Fantisezed emotions appearing real

It is very random of me to think something like this about me. But i so wanted to put it down here. I very well know how I was and how I am. The kind of change that I expected and I kind of did not. India was a place that gave me unconditional and selfless love, no matter how bad a person I was. So many people I knew were good and caring. I always felt special. Though I did not realize the happiness I had, I still was happy with the sadness in me. Honest. Perhaps, I realize that now, here, when i have no body to look up to though many pretend to be nice to me or something like that. For, I cannot blame them, as they know me no better than a stranger on the road. I have started thinking about my school days, when I was such a nice person, and knew that. But now, I can never relate myself to that personality. Don't know why. I know I need to change, remove the negativity in me. But, I really don't know where to start. But keeping in mind some past incidents, I have no choice but to change myself for my own good.
I want to remove the negative energy that I can feel in me.
I will.

note- have written complete words , not sms language as told by priyaa. thanks pri.

life seems to be right at times and wrong many a times! ummm... dont really know where it is going to end! but im sure.. one corner of my heart says, its all going to be fine sooner or later. im waiting for that day.

finally.. out of the godforsaken land for good.
toronto is good. i like it. nice people. a totally different culture. a super planned city. settling down slowly. nice weather.
but above all the im seeing evolution. a change in everything i do. a drastic change in me and i am likin it.everythin is so well organised. the traffic,the roads,the malls, the weather report, the police rules, the signal fines, the culture, the seat belt thing, the friendly atmosphere, the yucky food, the respect that one man has for the other, the shitty music that they listen to, infinit cars, rebates.. phew.. its only week now in toronto and i ve observed a great deal of change form the east.
cant say i would settle here.. but i really miss chennai,. and would go back one day.

life is strange, i see change everyday, and i think change is good. ' be the change you want to be '. that is so true. if i am happy, im gonna see happiness around me. to generate that right kind of happiness,need to be positive in my outlook and be more matured. oh! talkin about maturity, i am way matured now and i can feel it. i am happy for myself.
evolving for the good. wish me luck!

annoying is not the word!
ok i hate maarwadees! no offence and even if you are offended, sorry dude. can't help!

i shall never ever work for them.. ever in my life!

i saw a short film my junior in college made that touched me a great deal. it was about her dad who passed away and she had dedicated it to him..
dad is someone who lives to bring up his daughter, earns his sweat out to see a lil smile on her face, who discusses with his wife about her, who brings surprises just to see the raise of eyebrows in his daughter's face.
sometimes he can be egoistic, rude, annoying and a drunkard.
sometimes he can be a role model to his daughter by gettin a small cycle will make her feel out of the world! by just gettin her new clothes during festivals will make her feel special, but just lettin her know tht he is always there for her, she needs nothing more.
i have never understood my dad. will never.
i wish i had a dad who was all the above.

ok.. im very excited to write about this.. its quite fascinating to think about god nd its existence. two of my friends and i were strolling in the beach.. talkin random stuff, lookin at the ring around the moon that was fascinating to me :) . slowly we started to talk about the big bang theory that is experimented now by our scientists. it is so cool. but people who think the universe was created by the god need not believe in the theory. ok. now how do we know that the gods that we worship have the form that we see. how do we know that they ever existed? where did they come from?? if humans were from eve and adam, why is every religion contradicting each other? it is very funny that people worship idols, that too i dono how many gods we have now. no count! lol. hindu mythology says that lord ganesha wrote the mahabharata as it was recited by valmiki. what language did he write in..tamil?? hindi?? oh! so languages existed in god's period? that is interesting! who saw lord ganesha write it.. any videos? how can i believe it!?
epics- it is a record or a style of any writing that may be called history. now. who knows if the ramamyan or the mahabharat actually existed?? poeple say jesus lived to serve people. yes. may be and that is why he is respected. i dont think jesus possessed any magical powers. he was an ordinary man who helped people and hence they liked him,according to the bible. same with mohmad. he served people and hence they loved him. so what do we infer. if i help someone else around me, to them i am god.! that sounds nice. but what is irritating in hindi mythology is that they dont have proper reasons for what they say. lots of things are still a mystery. one reason for that is the invasion the britsh in india for 200yrs. at that period of time, there would have been a chance of loosing our culture. but yeah, we blindly believe in a lot of stuff. there was aperiod where humans used to worship nature? where did all that go? why is everyone not worshiping nature anymore?
it is more of greed and selfishness that is prevailing now. a man goes to tirupathi not to ask the so called god he believes in for happiness and well-being of his fellows but asks for money and wealth. lol. why cant he sit in his pooja room and ask for all this? so u believe that there is no god in ur pooja room but in tirupathi?
i had gone for a trip during last december if i remember it right. we were gang where my friends belonged to different countries and religion. but most of them were hindus. we reached the puri jagannath temple in orissa. it is known for its art nd architecture. all excited to explore the new place. when we were about to enter the temple, we were stopped and my friends who looked lil chinese and not "hinduish" were denied entry. we were like " what crap!". in pondycherry, in auroville,there is a board saying "indians not allowed" ! lol. dude do you remember you are in india??
did your god ask you to do all this? is it? nice god!
another big question. why so many gods! so that people can worship according to their likes? wah! where is humanity heading to?
i would like to meet the guy who created god.