Fantisezed emotions appearing real

i really don't know what to say when someone asks me, "do you REALLY love me?", " do you SERIOUSLY love me?". Also when someone says, " i love her SINCERELY". I always wonder what the other person is trying to say. I am confused.

My first winter ever.
Was a hectic day. All day school and no play.
It was raining like no one cared.
But all i could see was little happiness being shared.
The leaves were beaming with selfless joy, the clouds all grey and the grass all posing with pride. I boarded the bus and all i could see was black jackets and overcoats.A mother suffering with her little ones in the stroller did not complain but was telling stories about the rain. The bus was full but there was something that added to the crowded buzzing bus. It was the foggy little rain drops in the windows. Everything outside looked blurred and out of focus. How i wished i had my camera! With Rahman singing "new york nagaram" in my ears..all my past cherished memories flashed.
I saw a little happiness today.
The rain made my day.

It is very random of me to think something like this about me. But i so wanted to put it down here. I very well know how I was and how I am. The kind of change that I expected and I kind of did not. India was a place that gave me unconditional and selfless love, no matter how bad a person I was. So many people I knew were good and caring. I always felt special. Though I did not realize the happiness I had, I still was happy with the sadness in me. Honest. Perhaps, I realize that now, here, when i have no body to look up to though many pretend to be nice to me or something like that. For, I cannot blame them, as they know me no better than a stranger on the road. I have started thinking about my school days, when I was such a nice person, and knew that. But now, I can never relate myself to that personality. Don't know why. I know I need to change, remove the negativity in me. But, I really don't know where to start. But keeping in mind some past incidents, I have no choice but to change myself for my own good.
I want to remove the negative energy that I can feel in me.
I will.

note- have written complete words , not sms language as told by priyaa. thanks pri.

life seems to be right at times and wrong many a times! ummm... dont really know where it is going to end! but im sure.. one corner of my heart says, its all going to be fine sooner or later. im waiting for that day.

finally.. out of the godforsaken land for good.
toronto is good. i like it. nice people. a totally different culture. a super planned city. settling down slowly. nice weather.
but above all the im seeing evolution. a change in everything i do. a drastic change in me and i am likin it.everythin is so well organised. the traffic,the roads,the malls, the weather report, the police rules, the signal fines, the culture, the seat belt thing, the friendly atmosphere, the yucky food, the respect that one man has for the other, the shitty music that they listen to, infinit cars, rebates.. phew.. its only week now in toronto and i ve observed a great deal of change form the east.
cant say i would settle here.. but i really miss chennai,. and would go back one day.

life is strange, i see change everyday, and i think change is good. ' be the change you want to be '. that is so true. if i am happy, im gonna see happiness around me. to generate that right kind of happiness,need to be positive in my outlook and be more matured. oh! talkin about maturity, i am way matured now and i can feel it. i am happy for myself.
evolving for the good. wish me luck!

annoying is not the word!
ok i hate maarwadees! no offence and even if you are offended, sorry dude. can't help!

i shall never ever work for them.. ever in my life!